You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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