My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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