Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
