hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
