I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
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