Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
