man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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