so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
