I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
