grandma shit on top of the toilet
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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