Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
