I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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