Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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