So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
