but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
