This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
