So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
