i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
