He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
