Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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