I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
