he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
