Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
