his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
