just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
