is your mom at the bar?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
