I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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