Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Vodka?
Forever.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
