I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
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