The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
