Someone shit on the floor
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
