This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
