Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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