haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
