I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
