3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
