everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
