I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
