Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
