he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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