I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
