hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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