I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
