She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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