I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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