1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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