Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
