just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
