even my farts smell like vagina
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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