He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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