I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
