Please, let me fuck your mom
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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